The Diamond of Night City

A Cyberpunk inspired writing piece

Sitting on the rooftop of a building, cigarette smoke filling the air, and a soft sigh leaving her body, all was at peace. No clients were booked for a few days, she could sit in her room for those days and refine some of her own chrome, and her software, catch up on the stuff going on in Night City and finally catch some sort of break.

What could she do from now until then? Really anything she wanted, anything that came to mind, but as the ringtone dialled in her ear, and the image in her peripheral, she huffed out an annoyed sigh. It was her work number being dialled, so that wasn’t a problem to her, nothing personal was going to be bothered, so she decided to answer it.

“Kitty? Is this Kitty? Looking for an inquiry from the ripperdoc. Is this Kitty?” An unknown male voice echoed around her head as she pressed the cigarette to her lips for another rush of nicotine.

“Yeah, this is Kitty. Who’s asking and for what-what?” She blew the smoke out and tilted her head back, looking at the pitch black sky, stars drowned out by the lights of the city.

“Emergency. At-at your door. Hope this isn’t a problem.” The voice sounded again, no franticness so she figured it was some rando like always.

“Emergency? What-what kind? Listen choom, I mainly specialize in cosmetic, not a medi ripperdoc. You got me confused with someone else.” She huffed, tapping the end of her cigarette on the concrete next to her, putting it out and then letting go of it.

“No closer docs, no MedTech on this guy. Figured you could help. You-you are a ripper doc anyways.” She let out an annoyed sigh and then stood up, walking to the door that led to the stairs to her apartment.

“Be there in a minute.” And with that, she hung up, swinging the door open and walking down into her apartment, then to the other stairs in her place to go down to her shop.

She lucked out with this apartment, considering her work, not many people in the city have two floors like this to themselves for the price she was paying. All she had to do was look past the fact that she was in a shitty part of the city, and her technical basement was all old rusted metal, and she was fine. It fit her occupation well, and her customers didn’t care, just as long as they got chrome in them.

Her tail swayed behind her as she controlled it so that it didn’t hit the steps as she walked down, turning the corner to then walk down to her work room, the scent of rusting metal hitting her nose as she made it halfway down the stairs. She made it to the door, unlocked it and then turned the large handle on the middle of the door and looked at the two people that she was met with when it swung open. The larger man loomed over her, blocking out the city lights from reaching her and casting a shadow over her, the other person was on the floor, propped up against the door frame, slumped over and clearly knocked unconscious.

“You’re Kitty? I wasn’t expecting someone the likes of you to open up.” The man grumbled. Getting a good look at him, she noted all the chrome that was in his body, narrowing her eyes as if she was reading into him more.

“Yeah, I am. Doesn’t matter, pick him up and put him in my chair, I can’t do anything myself and you can clearly pick him up. What’s the deal anyways?” She asked, stepping out of his way and walking over to her computer quickly, turning everything on so that she could monitor his vitals when she worked.

She heard him grunting, and shuffling over to the metal chair where she worked on her clients but didn’t look over, just kept an ear open for if he spoke. “Part of my team, don’t want him dead. Surprised he didn’t buy at least the basic MedTech after we got our share last job.”

She hummed out, using that as her response as she got all his vitals on her screen, transferring them into her peripherals and finally walking to the chair. He was in rough shape, with blood all over his torso, and his shirt soaked through. Clearly shot just from looking at him. Wouldn’t be hard to fish out and take care of, but it was more of the healing process that she didn’t have refined and worried about. “Alright. I’ll fix him up, do what I can, and then he’ll be back out there in no time. Should I call?” She looked over at the larger man as he shook his head. “No need.” She shrugged and then sat in her own chair, reaching for her immunoblockers to use on her arm before she got to work.

“Should be good over here then.” She hissed out through her injection and then tossed the vial behind her, leaning over the injured guy on her chair. “He’ll be out of here in no time.”

***

The sound of rushing water echoed around the metal-lined room, a soft hum and the swaying of hips from a woman standing by the sink in the corner. “So, how much shit are you planning for this time? Hope you got the eddies to cover it all.” An almost cat-like purr mixed into her raspy voice as she spoke, having to speak a bit louder because of the running water.

“Eh; you know, I want to be unstoppable! Fuck everyone else out there I’m different! You can give me whatever you got on you Doc, really, anything. I can handle all of it, I swear.” The poor bastard in her chair was too excited for such events, especially if it involved poking and prodding at their flesh.

“Everyone that ever sat in that same chair before you has said the same thing. And I’ve never heard from or seen them again.” She huffed, turning the water off and walking over to her wall of equipment to find a spot for the pieces she was washing to be put on display. She felt the eyes burning into her back, flicking her tail so that he was made aware that she could tell.

“Yeah yeah, but all those guys are chromejunkies! I’m different, my body can handle anything you throw at it I swear.” She turned back to face him, walking over to her chair and then wheeling over to him. “Oh? Getting some special and up close treatment here?” Without hesitation she grabbed his face, being sure to squeeze more than she usually would, her eyes narrowed.

“A few things,” She began and watched as his eyes widened from her nails digging into his cheeks. “I don’t do, “special treatment,” I install chrome, I make you look pretty. Anything else and you’ll be considered dead. Secondly, you’re here for a quote, not installation. Have you ever heard of me? Or are you just playing stupid to try and get a shot at me?”

The poor dude was scared shitless, trembling beneath her, even a pathetic whimper slipping past his lips as he searched her for some sort of answer to what she was going to do to him. “You got that choom?” The frantic and struggling nod gave her what she wanted and she let go of him, rolling back in her seat and sighing.

“I can get a few jobs, I can get enough eddies. How much for a Sandy?” She raised an eyebrow, looking at him again. “You… You want a sandevistan? What the fuck do you want that for?”

He raised his hands in quick defence, shaking his head frantically. “Look, look. I know, but it doesn’t gotta be a big thing. I just want one. I think it would be sick, help me out a lot. All those notable runners got ‘em like Martinez had. I want one, I want to be like them.”

She rolled her eyes and rolled over to her computer, immediately going to search for Sandy’s she could get her hands on. “Yeah, and what happened to Martinez huh? Right, he went cyberpsycho, just like everyone else who comes into my shop. I’m one of the only places in Night City willing to install shit like that for cheap and on the fly all while keeping you anonymous. A Sandy ISN'T gonna be cheap, I hope you know.”

“What are we talking like? I can get a couple of jobs and get one in me no?” She laughed, projecting her screen in front of him. “Half a mil?! What the fuck?! You’re ripping me off, choom!”

“Nah that sounds about right. There ain’t many Sandy’s I can get you this quick, on such short notice, so if you want one so bad, it’s gonna be a high-grade one with a hefty price tag on its ass.” He grumbled, visibly upset from the news being given to him. “Nothing I can do about it, plus I gotta be able to make profit on working on ya, so a hundred of those five are for my time and skills.”

“If you’re so good at what you do, why are you in such a small shop in one of the shitter parts of the city? Shouldn’t you be rolling in it? Be closer to the city centre? Or fuck, shouldn’t I know who you are in general? All I know is you’re a pretty face in a shit place, Kitty.”

A soft smile inched at the corners of her lips, but she didn’t show it, bringing her screen down and rolling back over. “It’s a good thing you don’t know who I am. Plus, I really like my little shop, easy to navigate and I don’t gots to worry about a lotta rent.” She grabbed his face again, this time much gentler than when she first did it. “And as a little shopkeeper, I like my clients when they come back. There’s gotta be other shit I can do for you that doesn’t invoke a sandy. I got all kinds of shit I can do for you. Just look at my ears and tail, functional and nice looking, my speciality.”

Even though she spoke calmly and tried to reason, she already knew the outcome of this situation, sure she would get paid, sure it would be quite a bit, but in her mind, it’s really never what she wanted.

“I want the Sandy. I want it and that’s my final decision.” He said firmly, and she almost growled, letting go of his face and leaning back in her chair.

“Gimme a quarter deposit so I can buy the thing. Come back here in four days and I’ll install it and give you enough immunoblockers for the thing for a week. If you’re really serious about it, you won’t be stupid and go through them or activate it a shit ton yeah?”

He rolled his eyes, an annoyed sigh coming from him. “I guess, I can give you the quarter, but does that seriously mean I’ll get it or what?”

“Do I sound like someone who rips people off choom? No, I care about my clients. Maybe if you don’t die, I’ll be willing to work more on you.” She wheeled back to her desk, clicking away at her stuff to try and find some things for him. “Only condition I got for you, now that I’m working on you.”

“What is it? I’ll do anything if it means I get that sexy Sandy on me.” This time it was her turn to roll her eyes. “Whatever yeah, just, install this. It’s a vital program to my work and installing the sandy. I won’t do it without you havin’ it.”

He was silent, presumably installing the software, until she heard a soft gasp. “Triple X? The fuck you doing using something like this with your work? It’s a blocker, what the fuck do I need a blocker for?”

She laughed, grinning from ear to ear until she saw his eyes widen. “No fucking way! That’s why you’re in the shop! Holy fuck Kitty, you’re the maker of the most preem program on the market!”

Every time her clients pieced together who she was, was always such a fun experience for her, and this was no different than any of the last. “Nova!” She couldn’t help but laugh, throwing her head back as she looked back at him.

“Yeah yeah, nothing that cool, but hey, means a fucking lot if you know my work.”

“Of course I do! I have it installed already. Shit is amazing for my group, we barely get seen. The GPS blockers gotta be some of the most preem software out there Kitty, you’re legendary across the Edgerunner community! Oh, this is Nova!”

She stood up from her seat and walked over to her wall of chrome, waving her hand so her client could see that she wanted his attention. “This shit here, I will never install on my clients, not because of quality or whatever, but because all this shit belonged to clients that have passed. I work hard for my shit, work hard for my reputation. I don’t want you ending up here.”

He nodded quickly, sitting up straight in the seat. “Most of that is external chrome no?” She nodded. “And the internal shit too? Do you get all of it back or what? Someone delivers it to you?” She shook her head.

“Nah, I go and get it back myself. I can’t handle someone taking it all themselves. That’s what the software is for. Lets me know when there’s a flatline, and since no one who comes to my shop has any MedTech, it’s pretty easy for me to get ahold of my shit without a problem.”

There was a bit of silence, allowing her to get up and walk back over to the plate that she had left in the sink, actually moving it to the drying rack rather than letting it sit in the water and never dry properly.

“So Kitty, you don’t want your clients to die on you, then why do you keep agreeing to put stuff in them?” She turned back to look at him, raising an eyebrow.

“A genuine question? Got some smarts in your brain after all.” She giggled, and walked back over, leaning against the divider and pulling her pack of cigarettes out of her pocket. “Well, who am I to deny someone what they want.” She began, putting one to her lips and the sound of lighter flicks filled the room.

“But you just finished trying to convince me otherwise. You could just, not give me the sandy right?” There was confusion in his tone and face, a smile creeping onto her face again. It was cute, he was cute, but she shook her head at that thought. “I can try to convince, but I won't flat out deny. Who am I to do something like that right? It’s your body choom, do what you want with it. You can choose to only listen to my advice or take it, completely your call.” She blew the smoke out, the cigarette between her fingers as she flicked the ash off of it to the floor.

He was silent again, clearly thinking about the options and the weight of the words that she was telling him. It wouldn't be the first time that someone in her chair actually thought about what she said, and it wouldn’t be the first time that her advice would be ignored and the person in her chair decided against what she said and went ahead with the procedures anyways.

“Are there any other options for a sandy? Something smaller maybe? Not big like what you had on your screen.” She smiled, taking another rip of her cigarette.

“Off the top of my head, not that I can think of. I’d have to do some more research for you. But with my cosmetics, ain’t nothing I do could even begin to compare to a sandy so I can’t help you there.”

He adjusted himself in the seat and then sat up, looking over at her, clearly deep in thought and serious. “Would I really go crazy if I got that put in me? Like… Is there no way I wouldn’t?”

“Well, it’s not that you would right away. It’s a gradual process kinda thing, right? You’d probably get addicted to the blockers before anything because I’d have to keep upping your dosage, especially with the more shit you get put inside you.” She finished off her cigarette and put it out with her shoe, looking back at him. “Having second thoughts about it?”

He shook his head then leaned forwards, placing his hands in his hair and huffing out a breath. “I dunno about it… Like, I think it would be sick to have something like that but… I don’t want to lose myself, Kitty. I don't. And the last thing I want…”

“Is to go crazy?”

“No.” He looked up at her, eyes frantic, hair messy, hands trembling. She thought she saw his lower lip quiver but she couldn't be sure. “The last thing I want is to be another guy on your wall. I don’t want you to remember me by my piece. I want you to be with me instead of just watching me deteriorate.”

The words took quite a bit to process in her head, but she finally figured out what he meant by them. Her face turned a soft shade of pink and she couldn’t look at him anymore. This was his fifth time in here, his fifth time not getting anything and just coming to talk. Not once did it dawn on her that he was just here to get to know her, rather than getting something done on himself.

“Kitty, I want you to be a runner for me. I want to spend more time with you.”

Her eyes went wide and she quickly threw her hands up in defence. “I can’t do something like that Felix! You know my line of work now, you know what I do, how many people rely on me and that chair you sit in.”

“I know, fuck I know. But there's just so much about you, and every time you talk me out of getting a piece, you’re just so much fucking hotter than when I saw you after you fixed me up that night.” There was a strain in his voice, a clear pain that he was trying to hide, stronger emotions that he wasn’t letting through just yet, but enough for her to already feel bad for how she responded. Her heart was ready to speak for her, knowing that she was growing attached to him was almost an understatement but she couldn’t just make that decision for herself on a whim like that. She was too busy to form relationships with anyone, even more, busy that she couldn't be a net runner for some guy in a group of edgerunners. But the way he was looking at her was making her heart skip a beat, a feeling she never wanted from someone in her chair.

“I can’t. Look, I’m just supposed to be your ripperdoc, I can’t be more than that. You and I both know I can’t.”

“But I want you to be more. I don’t come here flirting with you every chance I get to not want to be more. You’re so fucking sexy Kitty, you’re so smart and really a gem in this piece of shit city. I want to be more than just some guy in your chair, more than some guy you just fixed up.” He got up, and walked over to her.

She didn’t know what to do. Everything in her head was telling her this wasn’t right, but then there was this screaming that told her she needed to let go of everything holding her back. She needed to live, even if it meant opening up when she didn’t want to.

“Kitty, I just want to know you. You’re more than just my ripperdoc.” His eyes were soft, his body relaxed and inviting, but she knew beneath all of that fabric, he was filled with chrome. And any day, it would all backfire on him and she would lose him. To fuck with all of that.

Once he was close enough, she closed the gap for herself, putting her hands on his cheeks and pulling him in to lock lips with him. She could feel him tense up from the suddenness of the kiss, obviously not expected, but once he relaxed, his hands rested very loosely on her hips. Her mind was screaming, telling her that she couldn’t hold onto him, he would be dead soon, just like all the others, but his lips tasted so good, tasted like the city, like the freedom that she long chased for but could never achieve it.

She leaned back into the wall as he pushed her into it, their lips moving against each other like they were meant to be together, and they finally pulled away, Felix breathing heavily and searching her eyes for something, while she did the same with him.

“I’ll let you take shit out of me… But I want that sandy…” Her stomach twisted, and for a second she thought his eyes went blank, but that was just her mind playing tricks on her. “I need eddies if I’m to keep up with you, I’ll take everything out of me but I want that sandy.”

Her hands slid down to his shoulders and she closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the wall, trying to think of something to retaliate with, but it made sense. If all he had in his system was the sandy, then she wouldn’t have to worry about anything, not upping the immunoblockers that much, he would be fine.

“Fine, but you’re not leaving my shop that easily after this one.” She grinned and he laughed, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

“Yeah? And what does that mean for me?” She barely let him finish his sentence, locking lips with him again, her hands moving to his shirt collar to pull him closer to her. She normally hated the loud ones, the ones that kept coming back just to flirt with her, but this one was different. And she would hold on to this one for as long as his body would allow for. It didn’t matter how many eddies it took for the immunoblockers, he wasn’t dying on her. Not this one.

***

“Kitty, fuck! Kitty please!” The strained voice of Felix echoed around her head as she sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and groaning. She looked over at the alarm clock on her nightstand. 4:38 AM. What the fuck was he doing out this late in the first place?

“What. I’m here. Talk to me.” She answered, voice still groggy from being awoken so suddenly from her deep sleep. She heard gunshots on his end and that was enough to fully wake her.

“Kitty. Listen to me. I’m sending you my location. I need you to come get me.” More gunshots, followed by muffled yelling. He was clearly hiding somewhere but she didn’t remember him telling her that he would be out on a run in the coming nights, let alone this late. She half expected to be woken up by him getting into bed, not from a phone call like this.

“You-you need me there? Baby, what’s going on?” She was already getting dressed as quickly as she could, still confused by the background noise.

“Fuck! I-I can’t explain now! Just… Too many of ‘em! Saka! Please, Kitty! Now!” The line cut off and she was met with the small dot of his location. She huffed out a small “fuck” and made her way downstairs, already calling for her car. There were a lot of questions she had to ask him whenever she got there, but now was not the time to think of them, she just needed to help him.

She walked outside, car ready and waiting for her as she got into the driver's side, setting the car into first, then second, and then third as she drove down the street. She didn’t think about anything besides getting to the location that was pinged in her vision. She got into fourth, and then into fifth, ignoring the lights and signs on the road to try and get there faster. Rounding a corner, she heard the gunshots, grabbing the pistol she had in the seat next to her and held it in her right hand, continuing to steer with her left. She didn’t need to change gears at the speed she was going at, and knew things would be fine.

Another ring sounded in her head and she immediately answered.

“Kitty, baby. I need you now.” Felix sounded like he was losing it, and the worst came to her mind. He was shot, no doubt about it. From how he was talking. And the closer she got to the red dot, the slower she drove so she wouldn’t put herself in harms way.

“I’m here. You can sandy in here yeah?” She asked, looking down at her dash and up at the road to make sure nothing was in the way. The gunshots were echoing, not just from her end, but from hearing them in the phone call, so she knew she was in the right place regardless.

“Yeah, yeah just… Ah, fuck! Just keep on the straight! Open the sunroof.” She pressed the button the second he asked, sliding the cover of it back so he had all the space he needed. She didn’t slow down, since she was told not to, placing the gun in her lap and her hand firmly on the wheel so she could turn the corner once she got to it.

In a split second, the call dropped and the empty seat next to her was filled with a battered, bruised and bloodied Felix, clutching his side and hunched over himself.

“Holy shit!” She hissed, taking the turn, shifting into fourth and then back into fifth when they were in the straight, bullets hitting the sides of the car as she turned. “What the fuck happened?! You didn’t tell me you were on a job!”

Felix only whimpered, clearly in distress and raised a hand and placed it on her thigh. “I… I didn’t want you to worry about me…” He muttered, coughing. When she looked over at him, she saw just how much blood he was covered in and her eyes went wide.

“Felix holy fuck, what happened?! There’s so much.” Her eyes returned to the road, and she made another turn, finally in the clear and she slowed the car down, pulling onto the side of the road and getting out, running to the other side and kneeling against the car to look at him.

“There… There were so many of them. Just… Just kept coming. They… Fuck…” He hissed when she went to take off his jacket. “They got everyone else…” He coughed again, blood coming from his mouth and dribbling down his chin.

“Felix… Baby…” She didn’t have anything on her besides her glove. There wasn’t any shot that she could make it back to her place and fix him there, or here. She didn’t even know if there were any ripperdocs in the area. Tears welled in her eyes as she looked at him, barely able to say a thing.

“No… Kitty… Don’t cry please…” He reached to her cheek, wiping away the tears that fell, rubbing blood onto her cheek without realizing it.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Or call me… Or just… Something? You’re not invincible!” She was crying now, lifting his shirt to reveal four bullet wounds, heavily bleeding out. Even if she applied pressure, she didn’t have anything to stop the bleeding.

“Hey… Hey… Look… Kitty…” She could barely look at him past her tears, her vision blurry from it all. “We go home yeah…? You fix me up… We’re good… You’re good…” His words were stringing out more and more, slurring with each second that passed. She whimpered, putting her emotions aside and going into the back seat of the car to grab her own supply of immunoblockers. They were nearly double his usual dose, but it would be enough adrenaline to last him until they got home. The only issue would be his body wanting them after the fact.

She looked at him, his eyes were barely open to look at her. “We’re going home. I’ll fix you.” She muttered, taking the vial and sending it through his arm as she would do to herself. Almost as if she flipped a switch, he was back to being awake, clutching himself in pain, and she wasted no time in getting back to her seat and driving to her shop. Not this one. Not this time.

***

The bed was empty again, this time she didn’t wake up from it but rather had been awake the entire time since she got in bed. He was out on a job, she knew that this time around, so she didn’t need to think that he was elsewhere. His location blinked every now and then on the map in her peripheral, watching him move around the city blocks. It put her at ease whenever she watched, knowing that the slow blink of the red dot meant that he was still alive and moving. Laying in bed alone was the hard part, starting at the ceiling as it was covered in a mix of moonlight and neon as it came in through the windows.

She turned to look at her nightstand, wanting to check the time. She had been told before he left that he wouldn’t be gone for long, it was a quick hit and he’d be home before she knew it. The clock read 1:39 AM, so he wasn’t wrong about that. Her mind always wandered at the time, but she just missed him and her body was telling her that. Ringing sounded in her head, almost on cue and she answered, looking back to the ceiling.

“You all right for a pickup Kitty?” Felix asked, and she could hear the grin on his face just from the tone of his voice.

“As long as I get to see you, I’m always down.” She replied, getting up and walking to the stairs. She hadn’t changed out of her clothes yet, knowing in the back of her head that she would have been asked to pick him up by the end of his round anyways. She called the car to the door once again, hearing soft humming coming from Felix.

“What-what you been up to? Anything exciting?” He asked as she got into the car, got into gear and drove towards the dot on her maps.

“Just laying in bed, listening to the city. Not-not much to do besides wait on you.” She replied. “What ‘bout you? Easy job yeah?”

“Of-of course! Even though I’m solo now, the sandy helps a lot. Not too much to worry ‘bout.” She hummed a response, taking a turn to hit a shortcut that would get her to him sooner.

“You took your shit yeah? I gave you a couple rounds yesterday, gotta order you-you more.” There was silence on his end for a few moments, and she wondered if that had to do with where he currently was, or if he was coming up with an excuse for her. “Felix.” She was sterner now, wanting an answer.

“I don’t need it.” Was all he responded with, in an obviously agitated tone. She sighed, leaning her head back and hitting the gas pedal a bit more, grip tightening around the wheel.

“Yes, you do. You-you need it. You always need it. I already told you I don’t want you going crazy on me.” She was about to speak more but decided that it wasn’t even worth it, and would save it for when they were back home. “Pulling up.” She said simply, lowering the gear as she pulled up to his location, seeing him waiting for her on the side of the road. He got into the passenger's side, closing the door rather hard and placed his pistol on the dash, not looking over at her.

“Hi to you too.” She grumbled, driving off and heading back home. He didn’t answer and all she heard was the irregular breathing that he had adopted a couple of weeks back that she still hadn’t grown used to.

“Why do you worry so much if I’ve taken my immunoblockers or not?” He asked, clearly angry that she had brought it up before picking him up. She was actually hurt by his question, after everything that they had discussed, the people that she saw once and never again, and he had the gull to ask such a question knowing her history with the people in the city.

“You know why. The people, fuck the wall I have in my shop? Is that not enough of a reason for me to worry?” She briefly looked at him, but he still hadn’t taken his eyes off his gun on the dash. Her eyes returned to the road. “I’m just looking out for you, I know what chrome does to you.”

“But we took it all out. All I got is the sandy.” He snapped, finally looking at her which she caught in the corner of her eye.

“Yeah, and what about the past few times you’ve been on your deathbed? I had to pump you full somehow, and you’re now on double my dosage just to keep up.” With the number of times she’s had to save his life, she was surprised that he wasn’t already addicted to the immunoblockers. But at this rate, he was trying to reject them so he wouldn’t get addicted and that was not doing well for his body or mind either.

“Yeah but I don’t need them. You saved me sure, but the sandy isn’t the reason I need them, it was to keep me alive.” She inhaled sharply to calm herself down before speaking again. He didn’t understand, clearly, so she couldn’t get upset by his lack of knowledge.

“Your body is still looking for them. It’s not something you can just quit like that. We can try to lower your dosage or something, just, you can’t stop taking them, Felix.” Silence again, and the silence was all that filled the car until they pulled up to her apartment. They both got out of the car and she unlocked the door to the shop, and walking in, Felix pushed past her and immediately went upstairs. She closed the door behind her, locked it and walked up after him.

“You’re gonna be mad at me now because I’m looking out for you?” She asked, anger bubbling inside of her. She couldn’t keep it down any longer, now that he had been acting out like this.

“Looking out for me my ass! You’re just trying to control me!” He yelled, waving the gun around in his hand as if it wasn’t loaded. She stepped back, clearly surprised at his actions. The worst rushed through her head when she went down the list of side effects, watching them unfold in front of her through him.

“I’m just trying to make sure you don’t go crazy! I deal with this all day, every week, practically my whole adult life. I see this shit first-hand, and you’re saying I’m controlling you? I’m protecting you!”

“You are controlling me! You bitch all the fucking time about me taking my shit for what? I don’t need them! You’re fucking insane!” Her eyes weren’t playing tricks on her this time as she watched his eyes go blank for a few moments and return back to normal.

“Felix… Baby listen to me…” She held her hands out, trying to diffuse the situation, maybe calm him down, try to reason and rationalize and things will end up okay.

“Listen what? So you can just fuck me over? Milk me for my eddies?” His eyes went blank again, and he grabbed his head with both his hands, hissing out almost in pain.

“Baby, please! Just let me give you your stuff, you need them!” She went to walk to the island in the kitchen to grab the bag of his immunoblockers that she had ready for him a couple of days ago but was stopped in her tracks by a gun being pointed at her now.

“Don’t fucking move!” He yelled, the arm that was holding his gun was firm, but the one by his side was shaking. She kept her hands up, clearly terrified, a soft whimper leaving her throat.

“Felix… I…” He grabbed his head again, this time instead of a hiss of pain, he groaned, stepping back a few steps. She looked between him and the bag on the counter, trying to think of the best way to approach this. Nothing was coming to her, but with the current state he was in, there was no way to get to him unless she got his immunoblocker in his system.

“Baby, just let me help you… Please. You need help.” Instead of walking towards the kitchen, she walked towards him, hoping maybe that it would be better for him in his state.

“I don’t fucking need help!” He yelled again, pointing the gun at her once again, this time because of how close she got, it was mere inches from her face. Her eyes went wide, and she looked past the gun, at Felix, hoping maybe that would help him rationalize. She watched his eyes go blank, going back and forth between him being conscious and stuck in his mind, his face swapping between every emotion he was feeling, fear, anger, sadness, agony, all of it. Her heart was breaking each time she saw him notice her, but he knew his body and mind were completely separate at the moment.

“Help…” He whimpered, finally lowering the gun, his shaky arm reaching out to her and she gently placed her hands on his wrists. She needed to help diffuse the situation, not further escalate his thoughts or body.

“Okay baby, I’ll help you. But you need to give me your gun or drop it.” He looked down at her, and she could see him trying to rationalize what she said, trying to bring himself to give her the gun, but clearly, it was showing to be too hard for him.

“Okay… Okay, then let me just…” She reached over for the pistol, very slowly, very softly, making sure that she touched him at all times, being as gentle as she could with her touch, as loving as she could bring herself to be in this moment. Finally, her fingers reached the metal in his hand, and his grip on it tightened, his face changed once again and the hand that was shaking no longer shook and instead wrapped itself around her throat.

“Fe…Felix…” She gasped, looking at him with wide eyes, filled with terror. But his eyes were blank, there was no expression on his face, and the hand that she had on his gun, was no longer trying to grab it, trying instead to pry his fingers off of her neck.

“You’re trying… To… Control me…” He said simply, his eyes and face still blank, sending a wave of panic over her as she saw his hand with the gun move to face her again. This was it. She let her guard down and this was what she was left with, someone losing themselves because she was too careless about who got to see her heart.

“Cheshire…” Felix’s face softened, his eyes were no longer blank, and he was now crying. The grip around her neck loosened and she gasped out a breath, falling into him, and hearing the gun fall to the ground as his arms wrapped around her, pulling her close by the waist.

“I… What happened? Baby… Kitty, I… Holy fuck. I’m sorry.” He softly cried into her shoulder, holding onto her tighter than she had ever felt him hold onto her. He was in and out of consciousness, she knew that, but at least he was finally here enough, possibly enough that he would let her give him his immunoblockers.

“You’re fine. It’s fine. We’re good. I just want to give you your shit. You need them, you haven’t taken them.” She leaned back, looking at his face, holding his cheeks with her hands and rubbing her thumbs along them to wipe his tears. “You’re okay. Just, please… Let me give you your immunoblockers.” She was nearly begging at this point, and he softly nodded. She kissed him gently, and he returned the kiss, just as gently, as if he were scared to hurt her.

The moment was sweet but short-lived, as the second she pulled away, his blank expression returned and she was shoved to the ground, Felix looming over her. Her eyes filled with fear, scrambling to get to her feet, but he was too quick for her, wrestling her into the floor, and pinning her down.

“Stop fucking controlling me!” He screamed in her face, putting all his weight onto her as she squirmed to try and break free from his grip. He was too heavy for her to fight him on the ground, especially with her arms now pinned where they were. For a second she thought it was over, his eyes flickering between blank and conscious, but they settled on being blank and that’s when she knew it was all too late.

His hands quickly wrapped around her throat, and she barely had a second to react, gasping for air, clawing at his arms, her long nails scratching at his wrists, but she didn’t want to hurt him. In her head, it was still Felix, it was still the man she loved, the only person she ever opened herself up to. But the blankness stayed the expression, the eyes, the stiff movements. Felix was gone and all that was left was the husk of a man that was, the husk of a cyberpsycho. She cried, begging, pleading, anything to try and get his hands off of her. She could barely breathe and was now digging her nails into his wrists to get him off of her. She must have hit something in him, as he let go of her, only for a moment, but it was all she needed to punch him and wrestle him and switch positions.

“Why didn’t you listen to me!” She cried, tears streaming down her face as she pinned him to the floor, activating parts of her chrome to enhance her strength to keep him on the ground. “Why? Why? Why? WHY!” She kept asking, crying, her fists hitting his chest gently even though she knew she was talking to nothing but a shell at this point. No amount of immunoblockers would bring him back to her, nothing she could do to him would bring him back to her. Her eyes flashed to the gun behind his head. Nothing and nobody was going to bring him back.

It was by far one of the hardest things she ever had to do. It was her hands, and no one would have given him that satisfaction unless it was her. The past year was the best time in her entire life, and she wouldn't change it for the world. The memories she made, the people she met, the smiles and the laughs that she shared with him. There wasn’t anything that she would trade in this world for the memories she got to make this last year, and no one would ever come close to having her heart as Felix did. She pulled her pack of cigarettes out of her pocket along with her lighter, flicking it on and lighting the cigarette. Sitting on the rooftop of a building, cigarette smoke filling the air, and a soft sigh leaving her body, all was at peace.